Archive for September, 2006
Presidential hopeful Chml Srucnoc pledged to day to take a stand against what he called, “unfair, inhumane and egregious” late fees. He read about some of these fees at today’s addiction blog and was outraged.
“Is this the kind of America we want to live in? I know I don’t“
Reporters reminded the Ambassador that he’s a libertarian. Srucnoc acknowledged that the typical libertarian approach would be to let market forces and individual freedoms decide these matters he also said, “But I’m not your father’s libertarian“. Ambassador Srucnoc seemed tipsy when making these statements and many libertarian faithful are hoping he retracts them after a good night’s sleep and a cup of joe.
September 27th, 2006
Chml Srucnoc created a blog today at chmlsrucnoc1.wordpress.com after reading an intriguing blog post about the value of a blog to web visibility. “I’m in a campaign here and the name of the game is visibility. I’ve got to be more prominent than the next guy and that blog is the way to do it!”
September 25th, 2006
Deputy Chief of Staff Liz “Swarthy Lass” Pringelsworth has left the campaign and has devoted her attention to campaigning full time for Associate Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg in the Who Is the Paris Hilton of the Federal Judiciary? competition at Underneath Their Robes. In a statement Ms. Pringelsworth praised the hard work of all the staffers and the troops on the ground.
“I treasure all the memories I have helping the Srucnoc-Blackwell team take back America from the special-interests. There isn’t a finer group of people anywhere that the staffers for this campaign”
While we’re attempting to keep our heads from getting too big, “Swarthy Lass” mentioned the staff of chml-srucnoc.net by name, when she, reading from her statement said:
“…and I particularly enjoy the witty blog at chml-srucnoc.net and fully expect to have my very own post on Monday about this resignation.”
Your wish is my command Ms. Pringelsworth and may ye always be full of sprite and swart.
About Associate Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg
Associate Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, was born in Brooklyn, New York, March 15, 1933. She married Martin D. Ginsburg in 1954, and has a daughter, Jane, and a son, James. She received her B.A. from Cornell University, attended Harvard Law School, and received her LL.B. from Columbia Law School. She served as a law clerk to the Honorable Edmund L. Palmieri, Judge of the United States District Court for the Southern District of New York, from 1959–1961. From 1961–1963, she was a research associate and then associate director of the Columbia Law School Project on International Procedure. She was a Professor of Law at Rutgers University School of Law from 1963–1972, and Columbia Law School from 1972–1980, and a fellow at the Center for Advanced Study in the Behavioral
Sciences in Stanford, California from 1977–1978. In 1971, she was instrumental in launching the Women’s Rights Project of the American Civil Liberties Union, and served as the ACLU’s General Counsel from 1973–1980, and on the National Board of Directors from 1974–1980. She was appointed a Judge of the United States Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit in 1980. President Clinton nominated her as an Associate Justice of the Supreme Court, and she took her seat August 10, 1993.
September 25th, 2006
After reading this morning that Time Magazine may be up for sale, Srucnoc began high level discussions with Time Warner Executives to purchase the publication with funds donated from the personal fortune of Mr. Blackwell. A high-level official speaking anaonymously would only say that the offer price was “in the high 9 digits”. Th interview became interesting when the official was asked why the campaign would consider such a large investment this early in the campaign. At first he demured, but later, in a long and rambling distribe aluded to “free campaign ads” and “good karma”. We expect news on the takeover to break later this week.
September 25th, 2006
Whoever says that Chml Srucnoc doesn’t fight for the little guy has never visited the Santa Ana, TX Chuck E Cheese. About 50 people gathered in there on Wednesday to watch Srucnoc petition the restaurant manager, and local politicians if need be on behalf of young Timmy “Puddle Pants” Little who got a bum deal at the ticket store.
Everyone knows that Chuck E Cheeses’ attraction for kids is the ability to win prizes for playing the games. Puddle Pants was shortchanged by the games he played, consistently giving him two tickets when he deserved three.
Chml Srucnoc ascribed the following quote to Timmy:
I would have had a whole bag of spider rings and those super bouncy balls. I only got seven of each, plus a bag of gummy worms.
Timmy complained to the pimply boy working the counter, who replied, “get a life, twerp”. When Chml Srucnoc showed up however, with a few of Whitey’s persuasive friends, he quickly changed his tune. Thanks Chml Srucnoc for fighting for the little guy.
September 20th, 2006
Some of Hollywood’s most influential Democrats are throwing their support behind Amb. Chml Srucnoc’s election bid, following the lead of Abe Froman, James Bond and fan favorite Arthur Dent.
Srucnoc’s campaign sent out hundreds of invitations this week to an event — hosted by Bilbo Baggins, Draco Malfoy, the lovely Connie Bratter and more than two dozen others — asking the Hollywood glitterati to donate up to $300 each to attend a fundraiser for the libertarian hopeful.
Political insiders all say that the ambasador’s Hollywood supporters — generally more middle of the road than outspoken liberals such as Michael Moore and other loudmouths — are willing to support Srucnoc because they feel he has taken a nonpartisan approach to some of their key causes, including stem-cell research, the war on drugs and global warming.
This is a very significant list of names of major Democratic donors and major entertainment-industry leaders, And there are likely to be others.”
Underpaid consultants for Srucnoc’s opponent, the unflappable Robert Langdon, downplayed the support.
“It’s basically a group of people who are social friends of Chml and his wife, and I don’t think it is anything beyond that.” said Darth Vader.
Former President Bill Clinton, has significantly refused to pick sides, apparently waiting to see is his wife, Senator Hilary Clinton, decides to throw her hat in the ring.
But there is no doubt that Chml Srucnoc has amassed a powerful collection of heavy hitters. “He’s the best man for the job,” Baggins said. We couldn’t agree more.
September 18th, 2006
Washington, D.C. - U.S. Ambassador Chml Srucnoc (Narnia) put out a reminder today that his Earthly office is accepting applications through October 16th, from young men and women interested in seeking nominations to the colleges of choice. “Even if I don’t know you, I have some staffers that could sell a hat rack to a moose”.
Ambassador Srucnoc encourages all highly motivated individuals who express an interest in college and who have money to give to his campaign, to apply for a nomination through his office. Chml Srucnoc said “I truly feel that making nominations to these instituations of higher learning is one of the most privileged and rewarding responsibilities of a U.S. Ambassador.”
September 17th, 2006
Chml Srucnoc has only today decided to enter the race so all may be lost, but he’ll give it his best effort. We pledge to keep this site as current as necessary so that you will know as soon as we do every late-breaking juicy bit of campaign fodder. Best wishes to the other candidates. 
September 16th, 2006