Posts filed under 'Chml Srucnoc'
Ambassador Srucnoc, in a stunning move, suggested that he’s considering dropping “Pirate VP” and fundraising king Whitey Blackwell and asking Barak Obama to join his team. “I mean, nothing against Whitey, but hey, he’s a pirate”, said Srucnoc. “Barak Obama has charisma… he has buzz… he has the mo-minimum!”. Recent stories suggest that he’s an unstoppable force, not unlike JFK to reinvigorate American politics. In related news, souces say that hours before deciding to court Senator Obama, Srucnoc asked Blackwell to change his name to Barak Obama and he refused.
December 12th, 2006
Barak Obama was one of 60 speakers invited to “share his views on AIDS, not abortion or any other issue,” the Warrens said in a statement issued by their Saddleback Valley Community Church. They added that Obama and Sen. Sam Brownback (R-Kan.) will “present two different political perspectives” at the weekend “Summit on AIDS and the Church.” Chml Srucnoc fully supports Mr. Warren’s decision and believes that those critical of the decision, “are simply misinformed”. Ambasador Srucnoc is quoted as saying, “The evangelical community cannot find even two among its ranks who agree on every issue. To expect every speaker at a summit on AIDS and poverty to be so unified shows that (those expressing criticism) are out to lunch.”
November 30th, 2006
According to a chml-srucnoc blog post today, Chml Srucnoc has decided to get himself a new Zune, complete with FM Transmitter and other accessories. there were rumors of him later dancing in the streets, but as of this morning they were all unsubstantiated.
November 24th, 2006
Srucnoc has made a campaign issue by defending Google’s one-sided political contributions and content policies. Google, one of the world’s most valuable companies and a bellwether for the Internet revolution, continues to reject anti-conservative ads while accepting more liberal ones. Google has chosen to honor such important dates as Picasso’s birthday with a special front page logo while rejecting Veterans Day year after year.
When asked about his support of a company that would likely reject his ads in support of a more liberal candidate Srucnoc was unabashed. “If our country were to limit a private company’s speech we would cease to be free”. As of press time, Google had no comment.
November 23rd, 2006
Chml Srucnoc has finally commented on last month’s elections. It was an overall loss he said, though many libertarians and limited-government supporters were hopeful that government mistrust might chalk up gains for the party.
Per oregonLive
Libertarian activists pegged 2006 as an anti-government revolution, but they got only one piece of what they wanted: a handful of initiatives that limit government power to condemn private property. Broader property rights proposals, state spending caps and limits on politicians’ time in office all fizzled in last week’s election.
But limited-government advocates might run into a skeptical audience in 2008, public opinion experts say. Although voters are unhappy with politicians, last week they agreed to pay for more services and elected many Democrats.
November 19th, 2006
Upon further review, it seems libertarians have never had a national elected candidate. This was such a relief to Ambassador Srucnoc, he decided to take a nap. It’s been a hard 18 months of campaigning. Nervous staffer are drawing straws to see who has to remind him that his election is still 2 years away.
November 12th, 2006
After reading a post on the Freakonomics blog, both Whitey Wayne Blackwell and Chml Wayne Srucnoc have decided to change their middle names to ones with fewer negative associations. Whitey Blackwell has chosen Optimus Prime after a well know transformer, and later firefighter. Chml Srucnoc has chosen John for his middle name.
My unusual name has been both a blessing and a curse throughout my life. I think the name John connotes stability and common-man. I’m recreating my image to appeal to the voters.
Mr. Blackwell has chosen a slightly different path. In his most coherent public speech to date, he stated:
Optimus Prime captures the power and moral clarity needed to guide these United States through our turbulent and troubled times.
October 10th, 2006
In a stunning show of solidarity, Ambasador Chml Srucnoc joined George Michael in one raucous Bush bashing. Witnesses were stunned and it appears that the Srucnoc-Blackwell campaign has shifted in to high gear. Many thought that Srucnoc would stand nearer to the right than the left but he really has forged his own trail.
October 5th, 2006
Whoever says that Chml Srucnoc doesn’t fight for the little guy has never visited the Santa Ana, TX Chuck E Cheese. About 50 people gathered in there on Wednesday to watch Srucnoc petition the restaurant manager, and local politicians if need be on behalf of young Timmy “Puddle Pants” Little who got a bum deal at the ticket store.
Everyone knows that Chuck E Cheeses’ attraction for kids is the ability to win prizes for playing the games. Puddle Pants was shortchanged by the games he played, consistently giving him two tickets when he deserved three.
Chml Srucnoc ascribed the following quote to Timmy:
I would have had a whole bag of spider rings and those super bouncy balls. I only got seven of each, plus a bag of gummy worms.
Timmy complained to the pimply boy working the counter, who replied, “get a life, twerp”. When Chml Srucnoc showed up however, with a few of Whitey’s persuasive friends, he quickly changed his tune. Thanks Chml Srucnoc for fighting for the little guy.
September 20th, 2006