2008 Election Coverage

Hillary Clinton Jokes

May 4th, 2007

I got these great Hillary Clinton jokes in an email and I figured I’d throw them out here. Enjoy!

Late-Night Jokes About Sen. Hillary Clinton
“The first Democratic presidential debate was held earlier tonight. … Big event. It featured Senator Hillary Clinton facing off against seven men. Or, as Bill Clinton calls it, the worst porn movie plot ever.” –Conan O’Brien

“According to the New York Post, Hillary Clinton used three private jets in a single day in a campaign swing through South Carolina. And today, she was officially named a Hollywood environmentalist.” –Jay Leno

“Hillary Clinton says if she is elected president, she will use Bill Clinton as an ambassador because ’she can’t think of a better cheerleader for America.’ To which Bill Clinton said, ‘I can think of 20 and I have their phone numbers.’” –Conan O’Brien

“Although Hillary Clinton set the mark by raising $26 million for her presidential campaign in the first quarter of 2007, Mitt Romney, the Republican, was right behind her with $23 million. That’s something Hillary hasn’t felt in 20 years — a man breathing down her neck.” –Jay Leno

“Hillary Clinton said today that public appearances with her and Bill would be rare. The only thing more rare? Private appearances with her and Bill.” –Jay Leno

“Hillary Clinton’s campaign has issued a statement saying she and Bill will be together this weekend in Selma, Alabama, which will be their first joint appearance together in a month. That’s when you know you have a bad marriage — when you have to put out a press release saying you’ll be together for the weekend. You need cameras to record it, in case people don’t believe you” –Jay Leno

“According to this week’s Newsweek magazine, Hillary’s campaign refuses to consider Bill Clinton’s infidelity. … They called it ‘the elephant in the room that no one wants to address.’ Which is what got Clinton in trouble in the first place … the elephant in the room.” –Jay Leno

“You all excited about the 2008 presidential election? There’s some interesting potential matchups. For example, Hillary Clinton and Rudy Giuliani. … On the one hand, you have a pushy New Yorker with a history marital problems. Or, you have a pushy New Yorker with a history marital problems.” –David Letterman

“Hillary Clinton’s campaign wants Barack Obama to publicly renounce Hollywood producer David Geffen’s statement attacking the Clintons. … Geffen said, ‘I know everyone in politics has to lie, but the Clintons do it with such ease, it’s troubling.’ I think that’s an unfair statement. Just because you’re really good at something doesn’t mean it’s easy.” –Jay Leno

“It looks like Hollywood is starting to turn on Hillary Clinton. Hollywood mogul David Geffen — he’s given huge amounts to the Clintons — told columnist Maureen Dowd of the New York Times that Hillary Clinton is too scripted, that Bill Clinton is reckless, and both of the Clintons lie so easily it’s troubling. Bad scripts, reckless behavior, and lying — thank God that kind of thing can never happen here in Hollywood.” –Jay Leno

“The latest political rumor is that if Hillary Clinton wins the presidency, she will be replaced in the Senate by her husband, Bill Clinton. When asked about it, Bill Clinton said, ‘I dream of replacing Hillary every day.’” –Conan O’Brien

“Political experts are now saying that to win the presidency in 2008 a candidate has to get hot at the right time. After hearing this, Bill Clinton said, ‘Hillary’s doomed’” –Conan O’Brien

“Justice Department officials have determined that a president of the United States does have the legal authority to have someone killed … in the United States. And today, Bill Clinton withdrew his support for Hillary.” –Jay Leno

“This week at a fashion show in Rome, a line of dresses were introduced that feature huge pictures of Hillary Clinton’s face. When he heard this, Bill Clinton said, ‘Finally, Hillary’s face on another woman’s body.’” –Conan O’Brien

“Is anybody really that surprised that Hillary Clinton is running for president? I’m not surprised. I mean, if you were married to Bill Clinton … wouldn’t you want to be able to tap his phone, read his mail, and torture him?” –Jay Leno

“Of course, the big question political experts are asking now is what role will Bill Clinton play in Hillary’s campaign. I’m guessing ‘the cheating husband.’” –Jay Leno

“Politics is a dirty business. Hillary Clinton announced she’s running for president, and the Republicans are already busy digging up dirt. They found out that once in her lifetime she slept with Bill Clinton.” –David Letterman

“Yesterday, on a campaign trip, Hillary Clinton suggested that she knows how to deal with evil and bad men, like Osama bin Laden, because she had to put up with her husband. Which explains why Hillary wants to look for bin Laden at the nearest Hooters.” –Conan O’Brien

“In Iowa yesterday, Hillary Clinton was shoring up support a mere year before that state’s presidential caucus. She whipped the crowd into a frenzy with her new campaign slogan, ‘Let The Conversation Begin.’ This may not be the most politically correct thing to say, but I don’t think that slogan’s going to help you with men. … I think the typical response would be, ‘Now?’ You might as well get on your campaign bus, The ‘I Think We Really Need To Talk’ Express, to unveil your new Iraq policy, ‘America, Let’s Pull Over And Just Ask For Directions.’” –Jon Stewart

“Hillary Clinton announced officially she will be running for president. Besides announcing her candidacy on the Internet, she’s also selling all her old headbands on Craigslist.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Hillary Clinton announced she is running for president of the United States, which isn’t a surprise to many people — except maybe those who just voted her for a second term as senator.” –Jay Leno

“It’s official. Hillary Clinton is running for president of the United States. She said on her Web site, ‘I’m in it to win.’ That may seem obvious, but for Democrats running for president … they have to keep reminding themselves.” –Jay Leno

“Hillary says she has gotten hundreds of calls telling her to go out on the road and campaign for the next two years. And that’s just from her husband, Bill.” –Jay Leno

Entry Filed under: Hillary Clinton, 2008, Humor, Jokes, Political Humor